I have been an asshole to myself for way, way too long now. Somehow in the last few years I convinced myself to adjust to just "not needing" much sleep at night. Going to bed at 2:30am with a 7:00am alarm clock was just how it was. I wasn't tired sooner. I didn't need to get that much sleep. I functioned just fine. It was part of becoming a mom that made you adjust to less time in bed. I had a gamut of excuses and refused to do anything less. I didn't want to miss out on things, was my most frequent excuse. If I went to bed early then that was so many hours wasted. Wasted on what? The internet? Watching TV? Playing Solitaire? My health dwindled, probably due to NOT enough sleep, because I didn't want to miss out on quality couch surfing. Sure, the internet's a blast. Fictional conversations are fun. Watching TV until my eyes blur is entertaining. But none of that's worth how it feels to live in 4 and a half hours of sleep, day in and day out, only to crash on the weekend and not feel up to leaving the bed.
I'm not sure what changed. I am not sure why I suddenly started getting tired and aching for bed before 10:00pm. I'm not going to fight it though. I find myself disinterested in the television. This late at night I'm not compelled to want to log into my social networks or my instant messaging programs to talk as myself or anyone else. Lately I've had an itch to get in bed and really absorb the sleep that is going to make me more productive in my day. I've wanted to turn off the computer in favor of reading a good book. I feel like 1996 is knocking on my door again. It's saying, "Yo, you used to get through a whole week without the computer or too much TV. Get back to your paper journal and your books. Remember how much your creativity screamed at you back then?" I figure there's a good medium. I'll find it.
But for now, I just want to find my pillow and get back to Eating the Dinosaur some more.
I'm not sure what changed. I am not sure why I suddenly started getting tired and aching for bed before 10:00pm. I'm not going to fight it though. I find myself disinterested in the television. This late at night I'm not compelled to want to log into my social networks or my instant messaging programs to talk as myself or anyone else. Lately I've had an itch to get in bed and really absorb the sleep that is going to make me more productive in my day. I've wanted to turn off the computer in favor of reading a good book. I feel like 1996 is knocking on my door again. It's saying, "Yo, you used to get through a whole week without the computer or too much TV. Get back to your paper journal and your books. Remember how much your creativity screamed at you back then?" I figure there's a good medium. I'll find it.
But for now, I just want to find my pillow and get back to Eating the Dinosaur some more.
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