One Love.

An incredible woman I adore (and you should, too!) is participating in AIDS/LifeCycle 9 from June 6-12, 2010. She will be riding her bicycle from San Francisco to Los Angeles as part of this amazing event pulled together by the LA Gay & Lesbian Center and the SF AIDS Foundation. This isn't a competition but is instead a transformative ride to bring awareness to the AIDS pandemic and to end human suffering.

Did you know that it costs an HIV positive person about $20,000 a year to get treatment and medication? Did you know that there are 151,000 people in California ALONE who are infected with HIV? This ride is meant to help raise awareness to the problem and to raise funds to provide those necessary medical services to those in need.

Tricia is an incredibly brilliant and powerful force in this world. Without having met her, she has helped shape my way of thinking and going about my day. Read her blog, see how inspiring she is, and be moved to donate to her ride in June. She'll be on the road for 7 days and 545-miles! It's such an awesome thing to be part of. Don't you want to do what you can to contribute? I know I do!

Things to remember on those especially tough days...

"We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are."

Checking in.

Checking in. Falling behind. Too busy to write. Will do [x,y,z] tomorrow. One more day. I'll come back to it. I'll try again tomorrow. Need to be in bed. Have to get up early. Lots to do. Deadlines to meet. Appointments to keep. Obligations to attend to. No time to relax. Can't focus on me; there's too much going on. We're living way too fast paced to ever have a real shot at being successful in anything that truly matters to the core of our hearts. I'm guilty of this in big, huge ways. My commitments to myself in this period of personal transformation have been shoved on the back burner because of all of these excuses I've made up. It's time to stop doing that. Only you can make time for you. Why not start now? No more excuses. You're worth it. I'm worth it.

Alice in Wonderland

Do you ever wonder where you belong, where you're going and what you ought to be? I spend hours every day asking myself these questions and any of a thousand sub-questions that relate. I'm feeling so open to the world around me lately and I crave to be part of all of it. I miss my friends who live in San Antonio, I yearn to be part of the beauty of a group in San Diego, the similar but totally foreign Portland calls to me, sitting on the edge of transformation at the closest hub to IATG in Los Angeles sounds thrilling. Anywhere but here sounds like a good plan to me. There's so many reasons I feel like my time in Seattle is coming to a close, at least for now. I can't and won't get into the intricacies of those reasons here but as I become more at peace with cutting the proverbial cord from my parents and all that I know, I feel this part of me that is starting to spread her wings and who is ready to take flight. It's incredibly empowering while all at once causing so much confusion within me. What is right for me? What is right for my daughter? Where do we belong? How will we do it? Is there work? What do I want to be doing with my life anyway? Can we achieve our dreams without having a solid foundation to lean against when we are strangers to a new place? Will we be taken into the community and be loved as though we've been there all along? These things keep me up at night. These questions distract me during the day. But still, I am moved and inspired by the courage of brilliant people who take chances regularly. Friends who have packed up their lives to follow their hearts blindly. Strangers whose tales of adventure and transformation consistently move me and make me think that, yeah, maybe we can. Maybe this could work. Maybe life is meant to be lived without a map. Maybe if they've done it, we can, too. Trust. Have faith. Believe. It'll all work out. It always does.

As I fumble in the dark for some light switch of absolute certainty, I'm also exploring what other possibilities exist in this world. Beyond the sturdy walls of a corporate world that provides for me in countless ways, there's something more. It's not as dependable and it may not take care of us in the way that I've grown accustomed but I feel like I'm meant for bigger things. I can't shake this. I love planning events and interacting with people. I am meticulous in my detail and take so much pride in my work but am I meant to have that go to business conferences and workshops or is there something else that this knack and skill I've honed can be used for? I'm craving a way to passionately pursue something that can change the world around me. I want to volunteer everywhere and with everything. I want my words to be able to move people the way that his words and her words have moved me. I want laughter and love to be a job requirement and not just an occasional happening. I want so much. I want to be part of the bigger picture. I want my hands to leave imprints on this world. It all starts with one. One voice. One person. I can make a difference. I just don't know where to begin.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Where do we go from here?

While this is certainly not the first blog from my bed, this is definitely the first one from my phone. It's so crazy how connected to everything we've all become. My phone is this powerful tool that I rarely use to actually talk on. When I was 17 you couldn't get me to stop talking for hours on end to whatever friend happened to be free at the time. Now I'd prefer you to send me an email, find me on facebook or text me. When did true personal exchange go the way of the dodo? Our entire social structure has changed in such a profound way that it's hard not to analyze what it's done to us and our relationships.

Over the course of the last few months I've found myself really craving more than text can provide. There's this whole element that goes missing when you're not open to phone calls and when you find yourself closing off to making plans or having people over. I don't want to live in an anti-social world that has been so run over with social media that it's gone against the very thing it promoted to begin with!

I'm just unsettled right now. I feel as though I'm standing on the edge of something big and I'm not sure exactly what it is. I keep trying to force the answers but I know nothing about this is immediate. But god, sitting still and being patient is hard. All things happen for a reason but I'm ready to get a sneak peek into what's to come.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone