I'm not sure why, but lately I've been planning these amazing things for myself and then over-thinking it and talking myself out of it. I build up and declare that I AM DOING THIS and then... I change my mind. This has happened with more than a few things but most noticeably my summer vacation. First Heidi and I planned to go to New York. We're both newbies to the east coast and we both have a list of places we want to see there. But then I spent too much time with my thoughts and convinced myself that it would just be way too expensive. So, I did my research and found out that for less than we would have paid for to go to NYC, we could do an all-inclusive vacation package to Cancun. I ran the idea by her and we were a go! We were going to CANCUN. And then I changed my mind. I decided that I didn't want to do that and it would make more sense to take her with me to Texas to see Thom and Jess.
It was around that time that things happened in Heidi's life that prohibited her from being able to commit to a vacation at all. Now I was determined that I needed to go see Thom and Jess. I decided this would be an amazing idea around the middle or end of May. Now I would be doing this incredible San Antonio trip AND still do the San Diego trip I committed myself to awhile ago. That July trip down to So. Cal. had been the thing making me feel like there was some sanity at the end of an otherwise insane set of months leading up to it. And then I talked myself out of it. I had always planned two trips but once I got San Antonio in my brain, I started convincing myself that going to San Diego alone in July would be scary. I told myself that it would cost way too much to stay in hotels. I made myself believe that I NEEDED to save that money for the costs of moving out, despite having a savings account that is more than prepared for my move in August.
So, what did I do? I cancelled the San Diego trip for July. I paid a change fare and totally negated the $100 voucher I had used for that plane ticket. I turned that flight into my May 28th San Antonio trip and found myself turning two vacations into one. I took the safe route. I took the easy route. And I've been disappointed in myself ever since. And then a week ago I caught wind of this. I've been wanting to see TP perform for awhile now and I've recently fallen in love with Alysse so it was like this San Diego opportunity was opening itself up to me again. And soon!
True to form, I have been over-analyzing it again. At first I was like, "YES! I AM DOING THIS!" I was bound and determined to make a road trip of it. I was offering up my car to the open road, my heart to an adventure and just needed to find a companion willing to split the gas costs with me. And that didn't work out. So, I put up on facebook that this was something I want to do and asked for someone to do it with me. And that didn't work out. So, I started looking into airfare. While the price is definitely not right, I can afford this. I can do this. But I've convinced myself that I can find a better deal. I started looking into lodging and found this amazing site (http://airbnb.com) and stumbled on a couple of sweet places to stay for cheap. And I've convinced myself that wouldn't be safe. Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Why do I keep doing this? What am I afraid of? Well, I've never gone anywhere by myself before. There's always been a mom, dad, boyfriend, husband, friend, or daughter with me. I've never hopped on a plane and landed in a place I've never been only to go to a place I've never been around a bunch of people I've never met. I am terrified that I'll get there and stand in the corner all night without anyone to talk to. I'm nervous. I'm shy until I feel comfortable around people (and then I never shut up). I don't seem to know how to let myself have an adventure and THAT is exactly why I know I need to do this.
I need to spend the $303 to get a plane ticket. Then I need to spend the $300 to get a hotel room. And then I need to use the $25 ticket I already got to see two of my favorite ladies perform. Because if I don't do it now, how am I living up to any of the promises I've made myself for embracing everything life has to offer me this year?
It was around that time that things happened in Heidi's life that prohibited her from being able to commit to a vacation at all. Now I was determined that I needed to go see Thom and Jess. I decided this would be an amazing idea around the middle or end of May. Now I would be doing this incredible San Antonio trip AND still do the San Diego trip I committed myself to awhile ago. That July trip down to So. Cal. had been the thing making me feel like there was some sanity at the end of an otherwise insane set of months leading up to it. And then I talked myself out of it. I had always planned two trips but once I got San Antonio in my brain, I started convincing myself that going to San Diego alone in July would be scary. I told myself that it would cost way too much to stay in hotels. I made myself believe that I NEEDED to save that money for the costs of moving out, despite having a savings account that is more than prepared for my move in August.
So, what did I do? I cancelled the San Diego trip for July. I paid a change fare and totally negated the $100 voucher I had used for that plane ticket. I turned that flight into my May 28th San Antonio trip and found myself turning two vacations into one. I took the safe route. I took the easy route. And I've been disappointed in myself ever since. And then a week ago I caught wind of this. I've been wanting to see TP perform for awhile now and I've recently fallen in love with Alysse so it was like this San Diego opportunity was opening itself up to me again. And soon!
True to form, I have been over-analyzing it again. At first I was like, "YES! I AM DOING THIS!" I was bound and determined to make a road trip of it. I was offering up my car to the open road, my heart to an adventure and just needed to find a companion willing to split the gas costs with me. And that didn't work out. So, I put up on facebook that this was something I want to do and asked for someone to do it with me. And that didn't work out. So, I started looking into airfare. While the price is definitely not right, I can afford this. I can do this. But I've convinced myself that I can find a better deal. I started looking into lodging and found this amazing site (http://airbnb.com) and stumbled on a couple of sweet places to stay for cheap. And I've convinced myself that wouldn't be safe. Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Why do I keep doing this? What am I afraid of? Well, I've never gone anywhere by myself before. There's always been a mom, dad, boyfriend, husband, friend, or daughter with me. I've never hopped on a plane and landed in a place I've never been only to go to a place I've never been around a bunch of people I've never met. I am terrified that I'll get there and stand in the corner all night without anyone to talk to. I'm nervous. I'm shy until I feel comfortable around people (and then I never shut up). I don't seem to know how to let myself have an adventure and THAT is exactly why I know I need to do this.
I need to spend the $303 to get a plane ticket. Then I need to spend the $300 to get a hotel room. And then I need to use the $25 ticket I already got to see two of my favorite ladies perform. Because if I don't do it now, how am I living up to any of the promises I've made myself for embracing everything life has to offer me this year?
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