I'm still plugging away at my resolutions but this second week has been the roughest one. Keeping positive is really hard when I am surrounded by a work environment that has so many challenges and negative ways of thinking that it's hard to keep my head up and my smile on. I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my "career" and what would make me happy. It's this weird balance between trying to sort out what would monetarily satisfy versus what would personally satisfy. If I could take pictures and write all day, I would, but that's not going to keep a roof over our head or food on the table. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I have to believe that doors will open to me without my planning for it. The universe will provide.
I've done pretty good on my eating and working out. I have had a couple of slips this week. Went two nights without working out. One night I just didn't feel like it and last night I fell asleep at 7:30 and never had the time to exercise. I feel the guilt fro it and today need to kick it in high gear. As far as food goes, I'm feeling the limitations of a vegetarian diet and can't even fathom how it will feel when I switch to vegan and eventually raw. I know that if I played with more recipes and spent more time in the kitchen this wouldn't be an issue but I've always been such a picky eater so it makes me nervous. Time to stop that, right? I did have some chicken this week - in my Pho at work. I'm trying! Bumps in the road.
My photography is suffering. I'm so glad I didn't spend more than I did on my camera. I don't want it to be a fleeting passion but I'm finding myself without the inspiration to take photographs. When I sit in the same living room and the same office every day my subjects become so limited. I know I need to sit down with my how-to book and force myself out on these weekends to start exploring the world through my lens. I think when Mom and Dad are back I'll be more inclined to want to head out on the weekends. We've become very accustomed to having this house to ourselves and in this last week/weekend before their return I've definitely found myself just wanting to sit and enjoy the quiet while I can. I should be out having fun but hopefully that will come when they come back. I need to force myself to use this camera more. I need to use my Vitamix more, too. These are the BIG ticket items I got myself for Christmas and right now I am not owning up to their pricetags.
I think I'm just feeling kind of dumpy lately and I need to shake out of it. I'm romantically lonely after 3 years on my own. For the longest time I didn't want it and now I don't know how to find it. But I know I'm not supposed to be looking. These things are supposed to just happen. I have to believe it will. I'm so inspired to make changes in this world but find that this inherent laziness that I've accumulated over however-many years has made it tough to do. I'd rather sit on the sofa than go out and do anything. It's easier to loaf around online than to immerse myself in the world. In my head and my heart there is a distinctly different person begging to be let out. I just need to get off my ass and make it happen. My passion for this That Girl Goes Local chapter of I Am That Girl is so strong but I find myself discouraged by lack of reply from the women in my life who expressed interest or by my frustration in trying to figure out where we can meet that doesn't impose on anyone but also encourages the communication and discussions we'll be having. I want this so bad and I'm breaking my back to make it happen. I just hope it does. Nothing would make me happier right now.
I know that when I write these blogs I'm talking to myself and sometimes that's discouraging in and of itself. Sometimes you need some kind words or some encouragement or another swift kick in the ass but right now I feel like I'm talking to air. I feel that way a lot in life lately. When I want to go OUT and do something on a whim I don't know who to call. I miss having that circle that's always there. I feel kind of own my own in a way that's not empowering or encouraging. My patience is so limited right now. It's ridiculous. I want to Be Love, Be Present and Be Positive. It's just harder to do sometimes than others...
I've done pretty good on my eating and working out. I have had a couple of slips this week. Went two nights without working out. One night I just didn't feel like it and last night I fell asleep at 7:30 and never had the time to exercise. I feel the guilt fro it and today need to kick it in high gear. As far as food goes, I'm feeling the limitations of a vegetarian diet and can't even fathom how it will feel when I switch to vegan and eventually raw. I know that if I played with more recipes and spent more time in the kitchen this wouldn't be an issue but I've always been such a picky eater so it makes me nervous. Time to stop that, right? I did have some chicken this week - in my Pho at work. I'm trying! Bumps in the road.
My photography is suffering. I'm so glad I didn't spend more than I did on my camera. I don't want it to be a fleeting passion but I'm finding myself without the inspiration to take photographs. When I sit in the same living room and the same office every day my subjects become so limited. I know I need to sit down with my how-to book and force myself out on these weekends to start exploring the world through my lens. I think when Mom and Dad are back I'll be more inclined to want to head out on the weekends. We've become very accustomed to having this house to ourselves and in this last week/weekend before their return I've definitely found myself just wanting to sit and enjoy the quiet while I can. I should be out having fun but hopefully that will come when they come back. I need to force myself to use this camera more. I need to use my Vitamix more, too. These are the BIG ticket items I got myself for Christmas and right now I am not owning up to their pricetags.
I think I'm just feeling kind of dumpy lately and I need to shake out of it. I'm romantically lonely after 3 years on my own. For the longest time I didn't want it and now I don't know how to find it. But I know I'm not supposed to be looking. These things are supposed to just happen. I have to believe it will. I'm so inspired to make changes in this world but find that this inherent laziness that I've accumulated over however-many years has made it tough to do. I'd rather sit on the sofa than go out and do anything. It's easier to loaf around online than to immerse myself in the world. In my head and my heart there is a distinctly different person begging to be let out. I just need to get off my ass and make it happen. My passion for this That Girl Goes Local chapter of I Am That Girl is so strong but I find myself discouraged by lack of reply from the women in my life who expressed interest or by my frustration in trying to figure out where we can meet that doesn't impose on anyone but also encourages the communication and discussions we'll be having. I want this so bad and I'm breaking my back to make it happen. I just hope it does. Nothing would make me happier right now.
I know that when I write these blogs I'm talking to myself and sometimes that's discouraging in and of itself. Sometimes you need some kind words or some encouragement or another swift kick in the ass but right now I feel like I'm talking to air. I feel that way a lot in life lately. When I want to go OUT and do something on a whim I don't know who to call. I miss having that circle that's always there. I feel kind of own my own in a way that's not empowering or encouraging. My patience is so limited right now. It's ridiculous. I want to Be Love, Be Present and Be Positive. It's just harder to do sometimes than others...
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